Its been a long time, I shouldn’t a left you, without a strong rhyme to step to...(Eric B. and Rakim)
Sorry, its been a couple of weeks, but here is a whopper, over 4000 words! Hope you enjoy.

Draft History, learn from it or be doomed to repeat it is how the saying goes. I analyzed all the drafts since 1989, the first year the T-Wolves were eligible. It would be comical if it didn’t almost make me cry how badly we have made picks over the years. You would think by sheer luck we would have at least accidentally picked some good to very good players every couple of years. But there is probably only 1 good draft year from 1989 to 2004 (2005 the jury is still out on). Of course you already know that is the year of KG The one year we got it right. I know that no one stays on the same team for more that 3-4 years anymore, I am looking at this from a perspective of getting a core of 2-3 potential all-stars, and filling in with role players at any position, making a run at a title, then re-building again.


1989
Planned Obsolescence like the QWERTY keyboard and the Ford Pinto. By the way, the QWERTY keyboard is one of my biggest pet peeves. Did you know that the first keyboards for typewriters were set up with the alphabet in order ABCDEF but the old mechanical typewriters could not keep up with the speed of the typists? So some idiot named Christopher Sholes (who lived in Milwaukee of course friggin’ cheesehead) intentionally mixed up the letters so the typewriter wouldn’t jam up. Now like a 150 years later we are still using this messed up keyboard. For the love of God will someone please “Invent” the ABCDEF keyboard?



Christopher Sholes, every day I curse your name!

Anyway, the Timberwolves were expected to lose and that is just how management planned it. They were setting records for attendance in the HHH Metrodome (terrible for watching basketball) which seated more fans than any other stadium in the country. They wanted to tank the first few seasons, get good draft picks and build the nucleus that way. Seemed like a good idea at the time anyway. Minnesota fans were just happy to get basketball back after the Lakers left for LA decades before. The owners were raking in the dough with low salaries and huge revenue. Well what went wrong... The original Timberwolf Pooh Richardson, that’s what. I honestly don’t remember how the draft worked that year, if we could get the top pick or not. Well it doesn’t matter much anyway because the only pick we would have wanted before ours at #10 was the #4 Glen Rice.
Here is an excerpt from a contemporary article on the NBA website:

On the streets of his native Philadelphia, Richardson grew up and played alongside Lionel Simmons, Bo Kimble and the late Hank Gathers. "Those players had a lot to do with the player I am now," Richardson explained. "Just being around those guys and having the opportunity to play with them... You grow up with an attitude."

What like getting schooled by better players? Here is a list of players we should have taken instead of Pooh:

Nick Anderson he was good until he started missing Free Throws, bottoming out in 1996 at 40% (he also shot 40% from the field that year). But up until then he was almost 20 points per game in an era of defense first basketball. We could have used his skills at least until 1996.

Mookie Blaylock and Tim Hardaway, both point guards much better than Pooh, if you wanted a point Guard that is. Some of you may not remember this but Tim Hardaway was dominant from his very first season. He was a shooting point, but still averaged about 8 assists and 20 points per game for his first 10 years. I think I remember his knees being a problem eventually, but heck he had 10 very good years. Mookie Blaylock was the best defensive point guard for many of his years in the league. He averaged well over 2 steals per game through much of his career, peaking at 2.6 in 1993 and 1995. Many people think of him as being too short, but he was listed at 6’1”, the same as Pooh. A heavier version of Pooh, he was a surprisingly good rebounder peaking at 5.3 per game in 1996. Inexcusable not taking these guys.

OK, Shawn Kemp. The Timberwolves in their history have had many opportunities to pick players with off court problems and passed on them. I know He has like 9 kids by 6 mothers, but damn he was the best power forward in the game some of his years (I am not a big Mailman fan). He also had about 10 years where he had at least 8 rebounds and 15 points per game. He was a dominant inside dunker and shot over 50% much of his career. But no we didn’t need him. This was a diamond in the rough though, coming out of Trinity Valley after his freshman year.


Vlade Divac gets all the chicks

Vlade Divac, wasn’t the first foreign player selected in an NBA draft, but definitely not a as common as it is now. He made an immediate impact for the Lakers in his first year, scoring 8 pints and grabbing 6 rebounds in only 20 minutes per game. A center with good hands and strong moves inside. Something the T-Wolves still sorely need.


1990
I was at this draft party, my sister worked at the T-Wolves basketball camp and got us tickets for the draft party, I think it was at the convention center. Anyway the T-Wolves had two picks this year, but frankly there was not much to choose from looking back. There was only one perennial All-Star Gary Payton taken at #2. We had the #6 pick and took Felton Spencer. We also had the #20 pick from Philadelphia and took a high scorer named Gerald Glass. Awesome name by the way. The potential nicknames were limitless. Unfortunately he was more like “invisible like glass”, especially on defense. Others from this draft were Dennis Scott at #4, even our own Willie Burton from the Gophers. The #21 pick (right after Glass) was Jayson Williams (the power forward not the point guard) a genuinely insane guy from St Johns. A couple other St Johns players worth noting, Malik Sealy and Jayson Williams. OK first Jayson Williams. Not only did he kill someone, even more crazy in my opinion is that he bought huge earth movers to play with in his yard. So basically he created a life sized sand box with real Tonka trucks. Crazy? Not to mention (going to hell for this) Malik Sealy. Now I was a big Malik Sealy fan, still am. I loved watching him in college like nobody since, honestly. When Garnett picked 21 because that was Malik’s number in college, I thought that was very cool, and it is reason # 342 why I like KG. But how does a guy making at least a million dollars a year (taking home at least 500K a year) drive a 10 year old Range Rover. It is so old it doesn’t even have air bags? Now that is crazy, and probably contributed to his death. So the moral of the story is stay away from the Red Storm.


1991
OK by this year I am getting pretty pissed off as a fan, we totally suck every year then we end up with the 6th through 9th pick in the draft? It will get a lot worse in the next few years though. This year we have the #7 pick and it is a stronger class than the previous 2. The duo from UNLV Larry Johnson and Stacey Augmon are both coming out in addition to a dominant center from Georgetown named Dikembe Mutumbo. Throw in Kenny Anderson another dominant guard. How about a Terrell Brandon or Dale Davis. So with the number 7 pick we take... Luc Longley another stiff center. My God what are we doing, so far we’ve wasted 2 picks on stiff centers. Mutumbo, Johnson, and Anderson are already gone of course. GAAAA why don’t we ever get the #1 pick. My pick at the time would have been Stacy Augmon. A solid defender and scorer for many years. What is wrong with these GM’s? Do they even watch these guys in college?




I have always been a big fan of “Plasticman”

1992
This is the year the franchise took a horrible turn for the worse. In the most anticipated draft since 1984 which went 1-5 like this:

1 Hou Hakeem Olajuwon
2 Por Sam Bowie
3 Chi Michael Jordan
4 Dal Sam Perkins
5 Phi Charles Barkley


In 1992 though we ended up with the #3 pick in the draft for Shaq. Not only that but the #2 pick was a unanimous Alonzo Mourning. We take Christian Laettner the third stiff center in a row! Now anyone that knows me knows that I am a huge Duke fan, but Duke players just aren’t great pro players, for whatever reason. Maybe coach K is an even better coach than everyone gives him credit for? In my unofficial list of draftees since 1989, there have been 16 first round picks from Duke. Probably more than any other team (well North Carolina also had 16).



Hmm what is that a Hammerhead? Wierd!


I was fine with the pick at the time (given that we had to pick after Shaq and Mourning) since I was such a huge Duke fan. He had the two tools that Longley and Spencer did not have: quickness for his size, and a competitive nature. I’m not sure what happened to his quickness, maybe he just got old fast with the 82 game schedule, probably the other pros were just as fast as him. After all there were several excellent Centers in the league in his time, Olajuwan, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing, Robert Parish, Vlade Divac, Dikembe Mutumbo, Mourning, and of course Shaq. Plus incredible inside non-centers like Rodman, and Malone. Well since he wasn’t even in the top half of centers in the NBA, his competitiveness was actually a detrimnent, spiraling him into greater and greater frustration until he alienated everyone else on the team. Something he also did in college, but it was overlooked since they were winning national championships. Here is a quote by teammate Cherokee Parks regarding a well publicized stomp by Laettner on Kentucky’s Aminu Timberlake’s chest "It's so Laettner. He's supposed to be like this all-America, this glamour boy, Mr. GQ. If you know Laettner, it's such a Laettner move to do something like that." What a zero. Amazingly, although we would eventually have nearly every player in this first round draft (LaPhonso Ellis, Tom Gugliotta, Malik Sealy, Anthony Peeler , Oliver Miller , Latrell Sprewell ) we would of course never get the two best by far (Shaq and Alonzo) who even at this point in their careers are helping The Heat nearly to the finals, up 3-1 over the Pistons. Last night’s third win was highlighted by Shaq going coast-to-coast a-la Dr.J. This was probably the worst draft day in the history of the Timberwolves. We had the worst record the previous season, notching just 15 wins, but got the #3 pick. Shaq would not have stayed here unless we could get the wins, but Wasn’t Michael Williams as good as Penny Hardaway in Orlando? How about if we had taken Tim Hardaway instead of Pooh Richardson? And if Shaq and Willimas had us going on all cylinders, wouldn’t even JR Rider have shaped up for a couple of years to make a run? Or if not would Shaq have ridiculed him into leaving sooner? Uh my head hurts. The good news, this is the low point, the bad news, only one good draft out of the next 13! And yes I am including the years we didn’t have a pick due to the Joe Smith debacle.



1993
Not too much to say here, we once again did not get the top pick, and the draft had only one blue-chipper, Chris Webber. We are tied for the second to worst record in the league, and end up with the #5 pick. Orlando who had the #1 pick the year before, gets the #1 pick again, despite winning 41 games. This caused a rule change (I call it the T-Wolves Rule) where beginning with the 1995 lottery the chances were weighed even more, so that the best non-playoff team would only have a slim (0.5%) chance of receiving the top pick. So basically the NBA from office could no longer fix the draft, and teams that really suck could get high draft picks. After Webber, there is only one pick I would have liked to make using hindsight. We took JR Rider whose tenure was tumultuous at best, I guess we thought we learned our lesson by not taking Tim Hardaway because he was viewed as not being as good a citizen as Pooh, now we went the other way, Rider having well known off-court problems. Maybe Vin Baker would have filled in nicely until his drinkin’ (and eating) days. Not much here though. Sam Cassell a relative unknown from Florida State is the hindsight favorite in the first round.



1994
OK here we go again. 3 blue chippers in this draft, Glenn Robinson, Jason Kidd, and Grant Hill. What pick do we have? #4. We took Donyell Marshall but there was not really anyone taken later that was much better. Juwan Howard went #5 and Brian Grant went #8. At least we didn’t take Eric Montross. Howard notched Double Doubles almost as frequently as the morons lose 100 grand on "Deal or No Deal". Well on to 95.



1995
Well this is it, the pinnacle of our drafts. We ended up with a crappy #5 pick again, in a fairly deep draft. The top picks were Joe Smith, Antonio McDyess, Jerry Stackhouse, and Rasheed Wallace. Also there was Bryant (Big Country) Reeves who I was afraid we would take (that was the consensus pick at the time). We went out on a limb though and took a high Schooler named, of course, Kevin Garnett. The reason we made it to the Western Conference finals in 2004.

1996
Here we are with a fairly deep draft and we should have a high pick again. The #1 pick is the best by far though with Allen Iverson. We passed on Marcus Camby and Shareef Abdur-Rahim and took Ray Allen. Then immediately traded with Milwaukee who took Stephon Marbury right after us. Brilliant. Well Stephon ended up giving us some very high highs, but the Mini-Apple could not hold Starbury. He eventually had to move on to his destiny in New York playing for the Knicks, now under the dubious leadership of Isaiah Thomas. What an idiot. He still gets booed when he comes here. I have no idea if AI would have stayed here if we got the #1 pick, but Ray Allen probably would have, he stayed in Milwaukee for 7 years!


1997
At this point KG is starting to gel , and Laettner is peaking to all star material, so we have mounted 40 wins. Here is the biggest draft since Shaq - Alonzo. Unfortunately we have only the 13th worst record for the Duncan Draft and we get pick number 20! We hearken back to our early days and take a horrible Paul Grant, yet another stiff center (YASC hereafter). Let me tell you he looked a lot better in a siut than he did in a uniform. I remember watching him in college and he walked like Kevin McHale did at that time, not in his playing days. How they thought he would be able to move around in the paint in the NBA just boggles my mind. Unfortunately since the pick was so low, there is no one else worth taking either. Bobby Jackson from Minnesota went 3 picks later and was by far a better basketball player. If it was a pickup game it would be like me (Grant) playing against Muggsy Bogues (Jackson). By the way that reminds me of a time I played against a former Gopher Nate Tubbs, within a few months after his college career was over. He just happened to be playing in a pickup game at my local club, which I was a fairly new member. Well I just got there and found 4 others for the ‘next’ team, then before I knew it we were matching up. I usually went under the basket but my teammates were pretty big if not tall so I went out by the 3-point line to find someone to guard. I ended up matching up with the point guard. Well I crouched down to play D, and he tried to break my ankles with fakes, but held my ground, then he fell back and jumped like 3 feet in the air and launched a shot. Well it missed luckily, but I knew I was out of my league already. Then I heard his teammates yelling ‘Nate’ the next couple of times down the court. And I finally put it together that it was Nate Tubbs. I couldn’t believe how short he was like 5'9", I learned a lot about college basketball that day. Height doesn’t matter as much as quickness. At 6’2” I was towering over this guy but he probably scored 7 of their 11 points. Now I know why no-one wanted to guard him. Well on one breakaway, I kept up with him all the way down the court and fouled him just as he was laying it in. Lets just say he wasn’t real happy that I was challenging him, and drove by me like I was standing still the last two times down the court, scoring the 10th and 11th point. On to next year.


1998
Well now we are over .500 so our picks are not that important anymore. We took YASC in Rasho Nestorovic at #17 who averaged only 7 points and five rebounds in a european league. Nice scouting! The name of his Italian team was Kinder which is German for Child, wierd! There were several good players early in the draft, but we sat tight: Vince Carter, Dirk Novitski, Mike Bibby and Paul Pierce. The #1 pick, one of the biggest flops in NBA history was Michael Olowokandi. Glad we didn’t have the #1 pick or we probably would have taken him too. The best “known” player was probably Mike Bibby, with the two North Carolina players right behind, Carter and Antawn Jamison.


Wallyworld? Sorry folks parks closed Moose out front should a told Ya
1999
Here is where we lost our momentum and we could have made some progress. We got the #6 pick from trading Steph in that 3 team trade with Milwaukee and the Nets. This also started the Terrell Brandon era. This draft class was pretty good. So once again the draft is several players deep probably 6 deep by most people. The nets had the 4th worst record in the NBA, but do we get lucky in the Brand Draft??? Of course not, we get the #6 pick. There were very good players available at that pick, and Wally Szczerbiak was not a terrible choice. If we would have taken Steve Francis, he would have pouted like Steph anyway. Baron Davis, Lamar Odom, Richard Hamilton, and Shawn Marion were other blue chippers. The latter two were available with the #6 pick too. We really needed to do well with this pick too, since we lost Steph to get it. Well it goes downhill from here with our regular #14 pick. I remember thinking as I watched this draft that I wanted to take Ron Artest. This was before any of the insane stuff he has done over the years. Here is a funny quote I found regarding Artest written right after the draft:
From CNN/SI Albert Lin
“Ron Artest, Chicago: Does a little bit of everything, but nothing exceptionally. Plays below the rim. Can he guard NBA 2s and 3s?”
That is funny because he was known as an extremely athletic talent, why wouldn’t he be able to play defense? I don’t know where these guys get their info sometimes. Same place as the GM’s apparently. Instead we take another Dukie William Avery, only I am not happy with this one, Brand would have been great, but I knew from watching Duke all year that only Brand would really make it. Remember this is the draft that four Dukies went in the first round (Maggette and amazingly Trajan Langdon, who could only shoot 3’s) . Which reminds me I doubt he will be on the board at our pick this year, my God I hope not, but Kevin please do not take JJ Redick. He can only shoot! He’s like a smaller quicker Wally Szczerbiak, but don’t let that fool you. Sheldon Williams will probably be an average starter in the NBA some day though, but there has to be someone better at our pick???

2000
In 2000 we had the #21 pick. We basically missed our window with screwing up the 1999 draft. We needed those players to mature and jell for the run we made in 2004. We traded our 2000 first rounder to Toronto (Morris Peterson) for getting rid of Michael Williams crappy contract and getting Chauncey Billups. Basically a very good deal


2001
I said it goes downhill from here but in truth, it is more like bungee jumping without a cord as far as the draft anyway. The Timberwolves somehow got caught in an under the table deal with Joe Smith. It seemed a little strange at the time when the Wolves Signed him for under 2 million and he could have re-signed with Golden State for like 10 mil. Why does this stuff always happen to Minnesota teams. So the commissioner fines them 3.5 mil, no big deal, but also takes away our next 5 #1 draft picks! We would have had the #18 pick. Nobody drafted after us has amounted to much yet anyway oh wait, Tony Parker was the last pick. But if the Wolves would have taken him, he may not have met Eva Longoria in a cruel twist of fate.




Mr. Eva Longoria


2002
Same as 2001, would have had the #24 pick, nobody has emerged in the league after that pick in the draft yet. What does hurt us some is we can’t trade the #1 pick either, just like in 2000 we made a pretty good deal for where our team was, trying to get to the finals, we don’t really need draft picks, but you can trade them to teams that do for quality veterans on teams that have bottomed out.

2003
I a show of compassion, the 2003 pick was reinstated, but instead of trading it, we kept it and drafted YASC, Ndudi Ebi first name pronounced doody, as in poop). Now can we make a rule here? Unless the center is the second coming of Bill Russell, we cannot draft another center, ever. I will now stick my head in a snowblower. Oh yeah and Josh Howard went two picks later, he is currently helping his team in the Western Conference finals with a 17-7 in just 30 some minutes per game.

2004
No Pick Blah Blah Blah

2005
At #14 T-Wolves took Rashad Mccants. A UNC guy but we won’t hold that against him. It is too early to tell how good he will be, like most of the Timberwolves roster. He has flashes of brilliance where it looks like he could be special. Plays D pretty well, and has good quickness. Unfortunately, what the team needs are scorers. KG is not nor will he ever be comfortable taking 30 shots per game. He likes to do the dirty work, prefers it, and that is fine. We just need some scorers who can also lock down on D in the final minutes of the game.


Our New GM Part Man...
2006?
Well the Timberwolves have the #6 pick this year, beating the Celtics in a tie breaker for the 6-7 pick. In worse news the Timberwolves have apparently hired Rob Babcock the GM brain trust behind the last place Toronto Raptors. Well maybe between McHale and Babcock we have at least half a GM, I’ll call him McCock. Well mock drafts have the T-Wolves taking Marcus Williams from Connecticut, or Brandon Roy from Washington could slip. I don’t have a strong opinion on this year’s draft. It is an important one though, just like the 1999 draft was important for the 2004 run. I watched Sheldon Williams and JJ Reddick a lot last year, and as I said Sheldon Williams will be a serviceable power forward in the NBA. Reddick looks to be more like a Hersey Hawkins. He is very active on the offensive end, with rebounding and moving all the time. Contrary to the reports he did create his shot a lot in college. After rebounds or as plays went through other people. So we’ll have to see what McCock can come up with. Unfortunately Joakim Noah and Big Baby Davis are not coming out this year for some reason. Maybe we can trade first rounders with a bad team for next year, and we’ll finally get lucky!

I stumbled across a list of “The Numbers' Most Anticipated Movies” . The numbers is a website of movie and box office information. So this is not my most anticipated 50 movies, just what that site has. An astounding 30 are sequels, 9 adapted screenplays (from book TV, or even video games) , 4 remakes, and only 7 original screenplays. Which begs the question, aren’t there any original ideas out there? I remember an interview of Morgan Freeman once where they asked him what Hollywood’s biggest problem is and he said instantly that he very rarely reads a decent screenplay. No-one seems to be able to do it any more. So Hollywood just keeps shoving these sequels and adapted screenplays down our throats.

1 X-Men 3: The Last Stand 5/26/2006 I know I’m a dork, and I love reliving my childhood through my kids, but the previews for this one look incredible. I’m enough of an X-Men geek that I already know what is going to happen, (assuming they follow the comic books and TV show). The good mutants led by Professor X vs. the Evil mutants led by Magneto, and just to make things worse, homo-sapiens are also fighting both the good guys and bad guys. So who will win Jean-Luc Picard or Gandalf? The best thing about the X-Men is that they all fight at once, even in a cartoon it looks cool, but the live action is unbelievable in this one, at least in the previews. Along with that is of course the underlying theme of racism. Or mutism, I think that would be the word for being prejudiced against Mutants.



And , um the next next best thing is Rebecca Romijn

2 Spider-Man 3 5/4/2007 Again I’m a dork for knowing what will happen in this one already from the TV show of the mid 90’s, but the story is very good, and Spider Man finally meets his match in Venom, who is basically an evil spider man, only stronger. Let’s see how he gets out of this one...



3 Superman Returns 6/30/2006 Wait Superman Returns? Like from the grave? Didn’t Superman die after a horse riding accident crippled him for several years? OK I know I’m going to hell for that but, come on its too easy.

4 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 7/13/2007 Read the book, and it will make a decent movie about adolescence, but not the awesome special effects of the last one.

5 The Da Vinci Code 5/19/2006 Haven’t read the book, looks stupid.

6 The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift 6/16/2006 At least they resisted calling it Faster and More Furiouser.

7 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest 7/7/2006 Strictly for the tweeners, although if you need to watch it with your kids, something for everyone, Keira Knightly for the Guys and you know, girls who like girls, and Johnny Depp for the Girls, and huh, the rest I guess.


He’ll always be Officer Tom Hanson to me (21Jump Street)

8 Saw III 10/27/2006 No comment, haven’t seen Saw I or II, but heard they were good slashers.

9 Batman Begins Sequel 2008 (TBD) Hopefully that is a working title. How can you have two movies in a series with the name begins in it? Kinda like “Final Fantasy” video games. I understand the first “Final Fantasy” was supposed to be their last game as the company was going under, but now that they are on Final Fantasy XIII, shouldn’t they come up with a new name? Anyway I just bought the (first?) Batman Begins this week, my 4 year old who loves Batman asked what it was rated, I said PG-13 for scary Sci-Fi moments (or something like that). He thought for a minute and said “I can cover my eyes during the scary parts”, too cute.


10 Poseidon 5/12/2006,The Poseidon Adventure Hell Upside Down original tagline PG-13 for intense prolonged sequences of disaster and peril Ernest Borgnine, Little kids know him as Mermaid Man in Spongebob Squarepants (takeoff on Batman) I know him from The Dirty Dozen, which if you haven’t seen it, you really have to. It is my favorite WW2 movie. And from Airwolf, an obscure TV show from the 80’s about a helicopter. The Poseidon Adventure also has Roddy McDowell who was of course Corneilius in Planet of the Apes. By the way while looking at the IMDB list of both of these actors, they had appearances on Fantasy Island and Love Boat. Would it kill Hollywood to bring this back? Who wouldn’t want to see b and former a actors and actresses in some corny show every week? Is anyone listening?


11 The Omen 666 6/6/2006 Ooh its coming out on 6/6/06 just for added effect! I have seen the original The Omen and Damien Omen from the 70’s. I have to admit these kind of movies freak me out. The most recent one was Constantine, which I also bought this week gave me the “I can’t stop thinking about this movie” feeling for the first time in a long time. Hellraiser and Jacob’s Ladder did that to me too. This one is probably a thumbs up.


Hey Creepy, let me check for the 666 on your head

12 Friday the 13th: The Origin of Jason Voorhees 10/13/2006 These horror movies on the other hand do not scare me. I enjoy the Scary Movie Series much more.

13 Mortal Kombat 3: Devastation 12/31/2006 Um did anyone ask for this? I mean the game was cool when it first came out, I get it. You can rip out your opponents heart, literally. But that was like 15 years ago.

14 Shrek the Third 5/18/2007 I’m sure it will be good, assuming they get the cast back. Shrek and Shrek 2 are in my top 10 animated movies.

15 Old School 2 2006 (TBD) Old School was my favorite comedy of the last couple of years. Highlighted by a cameo by Snoop Dogg doing a song off my favorite album of all time, Paid in Full by Eric B. and Rakim.


16 Jurassic Park IV 2008 (TBD) Dr Ian presumably explains the Chaos Theory in more detail, as the Dinosaurs nearly bring humans to extinction. You would hope it would be because the T-Rex’s have found a way to mass produce, making tons of action and people getting eaten doing mundane stuff like sun tanning, or swimming in a pool, or how about a bride and groom gobbled up as they are feeding each other wedding cake? That would be good. But no the story is about a killer virus that the dinosaurs carry, Yawn.

17 Casino Royale 11/17/2006 Newest installment of James Bond, sans the silly title. I will take this opportunity to mention the best Bond name of all time. Pussy Galore. Well here you have it.



18 Miami Vice 7/28/2006 One of my favorite shows from the 80’s, I’m almost afraid to watch it as it may ruin my memories. As Ice-T says “You’re Smarter that the crooks on Miami Vice, Right”

19 Goal! 5/12/2006 Looks to be an actual original screenplay about a soccer player in LA. My guess is 1 out of 5 stars and I like soccer.

20 Eragon 12/15/2006 My 11 year old Son can’t wait for this movie. So I would guess if you are not a tweener, you’ll want to pass on this. Eragon is a dragon, and it is based on the Sci-Fi fantasy novel of the same name.

21 Over the Hedge 5/19/2006 My 7 year old son can’t wait for this one to come out. In fact from the first time we saw the preview months ago, he said he wanted his birthday party at the theater to watch this. Good voice actors like Bruce Willis, Gary Schandling, the one and only Nick Nolte and the one and only William Shatner. And any time you can get those two in the same movie, I think you have to. My guess is that it will make gobs of money both in the theater and from the DVD. Our family contribution: $80 for movie tickets, plus another $20 for the DVD.

22 Ocean's Thirteen 6/8/2007 Honestly I don’t know where I’ve been but a friend who I trust completely in moves told me to watch Oceans Eleven and Oceans Twelve a long time ago but I just haven’t . This one is probably a must buy DVD.

23 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince 2008 (TBD) I haven’t read this book yet, but see #4.

24 Die Hard 4.0 2006 (TBD) I could have sworn they already made Die Hard 4. I thought it was like those movies that The Sports Guy refuses to admit were made like Karate Kid III, and Rocky V. But sure enough on IMDB it is there as a new movie. Although there are “Script Problems” mentioned.


25 The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian 12/14/2007 The last one “Loin Witch and the Wardrobe” is one of the few movies I will watch over again with the kids. Just seem to find something new each time. I would assume this one will fall short, as the best book was the latter in the series. But still a solid movie perhaps.



26 Rocky Balboa 2/9/2007 Written and directed by guess who, Sylvester Stallone. I was hoping when I saw this that it would be another one of those prequels, because as I mentioned above, Rocky V never happened. But no, here is the IMDB plot summary ”Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) has now been retired for some time, but hard-up for money, he decides to step back into the ring against a few small-time boxers. Everything changes, though, when Rocky is offered the opportunity to step in with the reigning Heavyweight Champion, Mason "The Line" Dixon. Does Rocky still have what it takes to make another Championship comeback??” Sounds too much like Stallone’s real life to me.

27 Indiana Jones 4 2007 (TBD) Just happened to watch “Temple of Doom” recently and it has lost some of its luster over the years. This one has been rumored for years, but Lucas and Spielberg have not been able to get a script they like.

28 The Passion of the Clerks 8/18/2006 Don’t know much about the Clerks, but the plot looks funny.

29 My Super Ex-Girlfriend 7/21/2006 Sounds funny, produced by Ivan Reitman who of course gave us gems like Animal House, Stripes, and Ghostbusters. Not to mention Twins, Kindergarten Cop, Private Parts, Road Trip, and Old School. Here is the plot Summary on IMDB ” When a regular guy (Luke Wilson) dumps a superhero (Uma Thurman) because of her neediness, she uses her powers to make his life a living hell.” I think all women have those super powers, except you Hon.

30 Pirates of the Caribbean 3 5/25/2007 Another one? See #7


31 The Flash 2006 (TBD) I have watched a lot of Superhero Cartoons over the years, and not once have I thought “I wanna know more about the Flash” Just a boring super hero. Can’t Superman run almost as fast (if he couldn’t already fly that is). Definitely a bad choice. If you are DC comics exec and you are making a movie about your characters,, how about Green Lantern, The Hawk, or even Aquaman? I would even take Electra Woman and Dyna Girl. Not a DC comic, but the licensing would be no problem. Here is the plot of this short lived 80’s show.:

THE PLOT:
Fashion Magazine editors Lori and Judy are secretly the crime fighting duo of Electra Woman (Dierdre Hall) and Dyna Girl. Fighting crime from the Elctrabase under their mansion they take on villains like the Evil Genie, Ali Baba, Glitter Rock and The Pharaoh. Not with strength but with cunning and the device on their arm which stops villains in their tracks without that whole messy fight thing.

With a villan like this, who needs superheroes (Glitter Rock)


Don’t laugh, it was almost re-made into a new TV show in 2001 here is that plot summary:
In Fall, 2000 the WB network commissioned a pilot to be made of a new Electra Woman and Dyna Girl to be set in contemporary time. The plot was advertised as the once world-famous super heroine Electra Woman who, since the departure of Dyna Girl to become a supermodel, has become a disillusioned, foul-mouthed, trailer-park alcoholic. Judy Bennett, a journalism student rescued as a child by Electra Woman and Dyna Girl returns the favor by getting Electra Woman back in action and becoming her sidekick Dyna Girl.

The pilot starred Markie Post (Night Court) Pictured here in her hotter days as Joella on Buck Rogers

Crappy Kroft shows from the 80's give me a happy glow

The best thing of course was the Electrocar


32 Huo Yuan Jia 8/4/2006 Your guess is as good as mine. It has Jet Li in it.

33 Fantastic Four 2 7/4/2007 The red-headed step child of the X-Men. And I know this has been said before, but who was the casting genius to pick Jessica Alba as the invisible woman. She is possibly the most beautiful woman in Hollywood, and she is invisible?

34 The Bourne Ultimatum 8/3/2007 First two movies were excellent and underrated. My favorite part of Supremacy is when he grabs a rifle on top if a cabinet in a house he has never been in before, because that is where his training taught him it would be. Just little details like that make a good spy movie for me.

What’s next Matt, The Bourne Global Thermo Nuclear War. By the way anyone would have pipes like that if they were 5’7”.


35 See No Evil 5/19/2006 Horror movie in the Friday the 13th genre. Teens stuck in a hotel with a serial killer. Ho hum

36 Jackass 2 9/22/2006 Unforgivable that I haven’t seen the first, but the TV show is top notch, baby.

37 Terminator 4 2008 (TBD) I own the 3 prequels. So obviously I love these movies. But if Schwarzenegger has more than a cameo in this one, please mark him for termination.

Arnold, you don't look like this anymore, lets get some new blood in the franchise.


38 The Break Up 6/2/2006 No one could be happier with Vince Vaughn’s meteoric resurgence, but thinking of him with Jennifer Anniston makes me queasy for some reason. The girls will probably like this romantic comedy. Maybe not a bad one to take for the team on date night.



Lets keep the space there.

39 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3/30/2007 Well the writer acted in Lingerie Kickboxer (co starring Brittany Andrews who has been in 245 movies since 1995 if you know what I mean), so we know the action sequences will be good. But that seems a little backwards. Like with Pee Wee Herman we didn’t know he was a pervert when he did the TV show and movies. Now we give the keys to a kids movie to a known perv?

40 Shrek 4 2009 (TBD) Shrek 4? Lets see Shrek 3 first. See #14.

41 The A-Team 2006 (TBD) Along with Miami Vice, one of my favorite shows of the 80’s. I pity the fool that screws up this film.

42 Rush Hour 3 2007 (TBD) How can they top “I’ve got Hoe’s in different area codes” on the soundtrack from Rush Hour 2? And secretly, even though Ludacris was calling people in those area codes hoes, didn’t you want him to say your area code? Just like when songs start listing cities, the first time you hear it you’re like c’mon say my city...

43 Resident Evil: Extinction 2007 (TBD) Movie about the Video Game Resident Evil. Starring Mike Epps? A black guy who won’t be killed in a horror movie presumably? In the game Secret Agents kill a lot of Zombies. Expect more of that in this movie.

44 DOA: Dead or Alive 8/25/2006 Dead or Alive is best known for It’s great looking gals in the video game. I would assume that is the reason it is on this list, 13 year olds everywhere can’t wait to see a live action version of the hot chicks in the games. In fact there was even a rare video game with the “AO” rating (Adults Only) called Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball featuring the girls.

45 Bobby 11/22/2006 At first I thought it would be another movie about the deplorable Bobby Knight, but it is about Bobby Kennedy. Directed by............ Emilio Estevez. Where have you been Emilio?

46 Wolverine 2007 (TBD) Hugh Jackman has 9 movies either completed, in post production or announced. Has to be some kind of record. Two are on this list, X-Men three and this one. He must be the new action hero. Thank God the Segal, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Cruise, and Gibson days are over. I loved them, but we need some new blood. Unfortunately, only a couple of the remaining 7 are action movies. Couple of animations and romantic comedies. Of course I already know what this movie will be about too. Wolverine trying to remember his past. He has amnesia in the first 2 movies (X-Men, X2) and goes on a journey to discover how he became the super mutant he is.

47 Garfield 2 6/23/2006 (Coughing up furball)

48 The Devil Wears Prada 6/30/2006 Some stupid movie with Anne Hathaway (Princess Diaries). Boy am I glad I only have boys.

49 Pulse 7/14/2006 Remake of a Japaneese film Kairo about communing with the dead through wireless devices (hasn’t this movie already been done like 5 times?), then the dead can come into our world or something silly.

50 Charlotte's Web 12/20/2006 Cute movie, when I was 8! Well at least Steve Buscemi is Templeton the Rat. Actually the voice acting is a who’s who listing. Dakota Fanning as Fern (pig I think), Julia Roberts, Orpah, Kathy Bates, John Cleese, Robert Redford, Cedric the Entertainer, Jennifer Garner, even Reba.

Ba Deep Ba Deep Ba Deep, nice shot Buck.

Thunder Home Opener

Well my Wifey went on a scrapbooking day, on Sunday, and so I was “Parenting” (not babysitting) by myself for a day. I had heard that the Minnesota Thunder were doing a free admission game for the United Way (donations accepted). My two older kids are into soccer, so I thought well how could most of the world be wrong, soccer must be fun to watch, especially the “pros” in the whatever-the-league-is-called. So we did. I remember going to Minnesota Kicks games and liking it when I was a kid. I know I am dating myself here quite a bit, but we couldn’t afford tickets to the Vikings games in Met Stadium, we had to go to Twins and Kicks games.



Of course the first thing to happen was our air conditioning went out in our truck which is black with a black interior. It was already like 80 degrees outside and it was probably 90+ in the car. We end up finding a great parking spot, driving past hundreds of cars on the street and in the 3 established lots to a back street at the nearby Concordia University. Roll em up and lock em and its off to the game.

We go right in right at 3:00 (game at 3:05), give my donation, and walk to the general admission seats. The place was almost to capacity, but there aren’t really any bad seats there. If it was a football game we would have been at the 25 yard line in the third row. The crowd was a lot younger than a Twins, Vikings or Timberwolves game and a lot more cosmopolitan. Maybe because it is in the middle of St. Paul but probably more because of the worldwide appeal of Soccer.

Well it is damn hot in the stands too, leading to this exchange with Drew my son:
Drew: “Why does that guy have his shirt off?”
Me: (Thinking... because he lost his dignity), but saying, “Because it’s hot, you can take yours off too if you want.”
Drew: Wrinkling his nose “No”
Me: (Thinking... exactly)
Parenting can be hard sometimes, you have to bite your tongue a lot if you don’t want them to grow up to be cynical too fast, I’ll wait with the Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker speech.





Although I have done the lift the glasses and say “Who is that Bill Shakespeare?” thing when the kids write something for school.

Well Drew looked like he was hot, and said he couldn’t see because it was too bright, so I put my hat on him, and within a few minutes we scored a goal, a nice shot on a break away. Then within a few seconds, the defender fell down and we scored again. Well there was nothing to do other than teach my kids about sports superstitions. I went on and on about how it was lucky for Drew to wear the hat. And of course then the other two wanted to wear it. Well I didn’t back down, this was an important “teachable moment” as the phrase goes now. So I had to distract the other two with the ziplock bags of Easter candy we brought. Later the hat was back on my head and I could see we were about to score again, so I threw the hat back on Drew’s head just in time for the goal. Exchange Hi Fives! Firmly entrenching the superstition in all their heads. Sometimes parenting can be easy.

At halftime the kids wanted to go get something to drink, but the lines were ridiculous, so I told them to wait a little longer. About 8 minutes into the second half, I asked if they wanted to get something, Drew’s answer, “No”, I asked “Why”, he said “Because then no more whining.” OK so maybe watching soccer wasn’t that great since at least one of my kids would rather whine. We go anyway, and of course as soon as we get in line, 15 people line up after us. Then Drew says” I have to go to the bathroom” as he is holding his Johnson.

Parenting can be hard, do I:
Take all three of them over to the bathroom with me because it’s safer or
Do I send him on his own?

Well since it was only about 30 feet away, I look at the line behind me and say “OK go ahead we’ll be right here”. Well it turns out that was the right choice. Whew! By the time we get to the front of the line there is only Orange, and Diet Coke left. Everyone just wanted water, but we settled for Orange, and we got the last 4 bottles of that. We get back to our seats and eat the rest of the jelly beans and Will is “planting” my sunflower seeds under the bleachers. Oh well at least it kept him busy. BTW if you eat sunflower seeds and have not tried GIANTS brand sunflower seeds you are missing out!



About that time I noticed the two college girls in front and to the side of us, and one was sending off my gaydar not that there’s anything wrong with that. But since I was bored with the game I tried to figure that out along with a couple other odd neighbors. Well that mystery solved itself when her Costanza Wallet fell out of her pocket.

The next oddity was the guy to my left. He looked like Dummer (or is he Dumb) in Dumb and Dumber.


For real! I took a picture with my cell phone camera but it didn’t turn out. Well he has on a goofy baseball hat, with old style headphones, you know the kind with the radio built into the earphones, straight outta the 80’s. And the other thing I noticed was his Pony hi-tops also from the 80’s, with the velcro around the ankle too, of course. But not the pumps which would have been just too funny (and too cool for this guy). Well this guy is getting just a little too excited about everything even jumping up and down to a point where I think he is just mildly mentally challenged or something (not that there’s anything wrong with that either). But I see he is with a wife and daughter. Well next the mascot, Thor, comes over to our section and starts throwing out plush soccer balls. Everyone in our section was just sitting except some middle school girls doing the high pitched scream to get the soccer balls. Well this guy jumps up and pulls his daughter up too and just starts wailing. I was in shock. Well since there was nothing else to do Thor threw the balls to the only two groups cheering (girls and the dork) and then everything was quiet again. It was then that I realized my kids didn’t even cheer for one because the guy scared them too.

The last oddity was the unofficial official cheering section. It was an actual band. And a bunch of crazy people who never sat down and kept chanting stuff the whole game. I would like to call them soccer hooligans, but that would be an insult to all the real hooligans in the soccer fan world. Now I have been “lucky” enough to be a witness to the World Cup soccer scene. I was on Amsterdam for work once while it was going on. And what they did was walk around the streets all day with these weird long towels around their necks and everything in their country’s colors. Then as they are walking around getting trashed, they do their chants for their team. Well some of the countries were English speaking (Ireland and England) but most were chanting in another language, so if they were ripping the other team, they most likely didn’t understand. By the way here is a ranking of the people of Europe I met on that weekend for the soccer tournament...

Ireland- based on this almost solely I will go to Ireland someday. The people are just so cool and nice, it is difficult to explain. We were in a very overcrowded bar one night and my friend and I were looking quite uncomfortable I imagine, with all the cheering and stuff going on around us. Well next thing we know there are two guys and a girl in their Irish garb walking over to us and offering their table! Then we are watching them playing darts, and they ask us to play too. Mind you they are in a group of like 15 already and they had no reason to include us in anything, which is what would have happened in Anycity, USA. For the rest of the time we were there, my friend would yell out “Ireland” and spread her arms out, and every guy in the Irish group gave her a hug. I even had to give an uncomfortable one sometimes.
England- Also very friendly, and I just love their sense of humor.
Dutch- It turns out they are pretty quiet, unless they are wearing Orange and white and cheering either for Soccer or speed skating.
Italians- Sexiest people there that weekend by far but aloof
I don’t remember who else was there, if any...Turkey and maybe Spain???

I guess my point is that these fans in St Paul were a poor imitation of the real soccer fans in Europe and elsewhere. They were doing chants and stuff, but we were playing Seattle, so they would say stuff like “You came a long way to do nothing” but of course there were no fans for Seattle there, like in a world cup match, so who were they talking to the Seattle players? I have no idea... just awkward.

You didn't think I could get through a blog without a cheerleader pic did you. Yes the Minnesota Thunder has a "Performance Team". Sadly I didn't see them at all if they were there though. Based on this pic it looks like either one of the cheerleaders has Man-Hands or there are men on the team too. Boo!

Well the soccer play was very good, the stuff those guys can do with their feet is incredible. One time the goalie threw the ball after a save like 70 yards. These guys are legitimate athletes, not “lawn Fairies”. We ended up winning 4-0 and it was time to go. With a couple of minutes left, we started for the door. As we were 20 steps from the exit, someone was handing out schedules and I took one, the three kids trailing behind. Well the worker thinks he’s funny and tells Will, “you need one of these” so he takes one as he is turning, a girl (about a foot taller) is running full speed around the corner and past the worker. Well I can see Will is about to get smeared, but there is nothing I can do. He gets knocked to the pavement and skins his knee pretty bad, and the girl keeps going. Little brat. So the only thing I can do is give the guy a dirty look and scoop him up because now he can see “BLOOD!”



As we are walking back to the car I ask them to rate the game on a scale of 1 to 10. If 1 is Watching March of the Pengiuns and 10 is Valleyfair (local amusement park). Ian gave it a 7.5, Drew an 8 and Will fighting back tears gave it a 10. Well it didn’t seem like they were having that much fun, but with kids it’s hard to tell sometimes.