Thunder Home Opener

Well my Wifey went on a scrapbooking day, on Sunday, and so I was “Parenting” (not babysitting) by myself for a day. I had heard that the Minnesota Thunder were doing a free admission game for the United Way (donations accepted). My two older kids are into soccer, so I thought well how could most of the world be wrong, soccer must be fun to watch, especially the “pros” in the whatever-the-league-is-called. So we did. I remember going to Minnesota Kicks games and liking it when I was a kid. I know I am dating myself here quite a bit, but we couldn’t afford tickets to the Vikings games in Met Stadium, we had to go to Twins and Kicks games.



Of course the first thing to happen was our air conditioning went out in our truck which is black with a black interior. It was already like 80 degrees outside and it was probably 90+ in the car. We end up finding a great parking spot, driving past hundreds of cars on the street and in the 3 established lots to a back street at the nearby Concordia University. Roll em up and lock em and its off to the game.

We go right in right at 3:00 (game at 3:05), give my donation, and walk to the general admission seats. The place was almost to capacity, but there aren’t really any bad seats there. If it was a football game we would have been at the 25 yard line in the third row. The crowd was a lot younger than a Twins, Vikings or Timberwolves game and a lot more cosmopolitan. Maybe because it is in the middle of St. Paul but probably more because of the worldwide appeal of Soccer.

Well it is damn hot in the stands too, leading to this exchange with Drew my son:
Drew: “Why does that guy have his shirt off?”
Me: (Thinking... because he lost his dignity), but saying, “Because it’s hot, you can take yours off too if you want.”
Drew: Wrinkling his nose “No”
Me: (Thinking... exactly)
Parenting can be hard sometimes, you have to bite your tongue a lot if you don’t want them to grow up to be cynical too fast, I’ll wait with the Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker speech.





Although I have done the lift the glasses and say “Who is that Bill Shakespeare?” thing when the kids write something for school.

Well Drew looked like he was hot, and said he couldn’t see because it was too bright, so I put my hat on him, and within a few minutes we scored a goal, a nice shot on a break away. Then within a few seconds, the defender fell down and we scored again. Well there was nothing to do other than teach my kids about sports superstitions. I went on and on about how it was lucky for Drew to wear the hat. And of course then the other two wanted to wear it. Well I didn’t back down, this was an important “teachable moment” as the phrase goes now. So I had to distract the other two with the ziplock bags of Easter candy we brought. Later the hat was back on my head and I could see we were about to score again, so I threw the hat back on Drew’s head just in time for the goal. Exchange Hi Fives! Firmly entrenching the superstition in all their heads. Sometimes parenting can be easy.

At halftime the kids wanted to go get something to drink, but the lines were ridiculous, so I told them to wait a little longer. About 8 minutes into the second half, I asked if they wanted to get something, Drew’s answer, “No”, I asked “Why”, he said “Because then no more whining.” OK so maybe watching soccer wasn’t that great since at least one of my kids would rather whine. We go anyway, and of course as soon as we get in line, 15 people line up after us. Then Drew says” I have to go to the bathroom” as he is holding his Johnson.

Parenting can be hard, do I:
Take all three of them over to the bathroom with me because it’s safer or
Do I send him on his own?

Well since it was only about 30 feet away, I look at the line behind me and say “OK go ahead we’ll be right here”. Well it turns out that was the right choice. Whew! By the time we get to the front of the line there is only Orange, and Diet Coke left. Everyone just wanted water, but we settled for Orange, and we got the last 4 bottles of that. We get back to our seats and eat the rest of the jelly beans and Will is “planting” my sunflower seeds under the bleachers. Oh well at least it kept him busy. BTW if you eat sunflower seeds and have not tried GIANTS brand sunflower seeds you are missing out!



About that time I noticed the two college girls in front and to the side of us, and one was sending off my gaydar not that there’s anything wrong with that. But since I was bored with the game I tried to figure that out along with a couple other odd neighbors. Well that mystery solved itself when her Costanza Wallet fell out of her pocket.

The next oddity was the guy to my left. He looked like Dummer (or is he Dumb) in Dumb and Dumber.


For real! I took a picture with my cell phone camera but it didn’t turn out. Well he has on a goofy baseball hat, with old style headphones, you know the kind with the radio built into the earphones, straight outta the 80’s. And the other thing I noticed was his Pony hi-tops also from the 80’s, with the velcro around the ankle too, of course. But not the pumps which would have been just too funny (and too cool for this guy). Well this guy is getting just a little too excited about everything even jumping up and down to a point where I think he is just mildly mentally challenged or something (not that there’s anything wrong with that either). But I see he is with a wife and daughter. Well next the mascot, Thor, comes over to our section and starts throwing out plush soccer balls. Everyone in our section was just sitting except some middle school girls doing the high pitched scream to get the soccer balls. Well this guy jumps up and pulls his daughter up too and just starts wailing. I was in shock. Well since there was nothing else to do Thor threw the balls to the only two groups cheering (girls and the dork) and then everything was quiet again. It was then that I realized my kids didn’t even cheer for one because the guy scared them too.

The last oddity was the unofficial official cheering section. It was an actual band. And a bunch of crazy people who never sat down and kept chanting stuff the whole game. I would like to call them soccer hooligans, but that would be an insult to all the real hooligans in the soccer fan world. Now I have been “lucky” enough to be a witness to the World Cup soccer scene. I was on Amsterdam for work once while it was going on. And what they did was walk around the streets all day with these weird long towels around their necks and everything in their country’s colors. Then as they are walking around getting trashed, they do their chants for their team. Well some of the countries were English speaking (Ireland and England) but most were chanting in another language, so if they were ripping the other team, they most likely didn’t understand. By the way here is a ranking of the people of Europe I met on that weekend for the soccer tournament...

Ireland- based on this almost solely I will go to Ireland someday. The people are just so cool and nice, it is difficult to explain. We were in a very overcrowded bar one night and my friend and I were looking quite uncomfortable I imagine, with all the cheering and stuff going on around us. Well next thing we know there are two guys and a girl in their Irish garb walking over to us and offering their table! Then we are watching them playing darts, and they ask us to play too. Mind you they are in a group of like 15 already and they had no reason to include us in anything, which is what would have happened in Anycity, USA. For the rest of the time we were there, my friend would yell out “Ireland” and spread her arms out, and every guy in the Irish group gave her a hug. I even had to give an uncomfortable one sometimes.
England- Also very friendly, and I just love their sense of humor.
Dutch- It turns out they are pretty quiet, unless they are wearing Orange and white and cheering either for Soccer or speed skating.
Italians- Sexiest people there that weekend by far but aloof
I don’t remember who else was there, if any...Turkey and maybe Spain???

I guess my point is that these fans in St Paul were a poor imitation of the real soccer fans in Europe and elsewhere. They were doing chants and stuff, but we were playing Seattle, so they would say stuff like “You came a long way to do nothing” but of course there were no fans for Seattle there, like in a world cup match, so who were they talking to the Seattle players? I have no idea... just awkward.

You didn't think I could get through a blog without a cheerleader pic did you. Yes the Minnesota Thunder has a "Performance Team". Sadly I didn't see them at all if they were there though. Based on this pic it looks like either one of the cheerleaders has Man-Hands or there are men on the team too. Boo!

Well the soccer play was very good, the stuff those guys can do with their feet is incredible. One time the goalie threw the ball after a save like 70 yards. These guys are legitimate athletes, not “lawn Fairies”. We ended up winning 4-0 and it was time to go. With a couple of minutes left, we started for the door. As we were 20 steps from the exit, someone was handing out schedules and I took one, the three kids trailing behind. Well the worker thinks he’s funny and tells Will, “you need one of these” so he takes one as he is turning, a girl (about a foot taller) is running full speed around the corner and past the worker. Well I can see Will is about to get smeared, but there is nothing I can do. He gets knocked to the pavement and skins his knee pretty bad, and the girl keeps going. Little brat. So the only thing I can do is give the guy a dirty look and scoop him up because now he can see “BLOOD!”



As we are walking back to the car I ask them to rate the game on a scale of 1 to 10. If 1 is Watching March of the Pengiuns and 10 is Valleyfair (local amusement park). Ian gave it a 7.5, Drew an 8 and Will fighting back tears gave it a 10. Well it didn’t seem like they were having that much fun, but with kids it’s hard to tell sometimes.